maskirovka | overflow / open post II

Natasha nodded. "Really." She shrugged slightly. "They...didn't really seem interested. And were all wrapped up in their own issues and problems." It sounded offhanded, perfunctory, but that was just the disguise she'd adopted so very long ago, that still fit her like a second skin. "Besides, it worked in my favor, having that mysterious reputation."

Despite all of their abilities, despite their effectiveness, her teammates still, even now, feared her. And Natasha was fine with that. It was a choice she'd made long ago, even if the consequences hadn't really come calling until, well, now.

"I do trust Fury." She meant that. "He's...he's a good guy. A little...erratic, sometimes, but he cares. He really does. He asked. Sat me down in his office and asked for the entire backstory. So I told him. Didn't leave anything out." She gazed unseeing at the TV again, recalling that memory with a slight smile.

"And when I was done, he sat up at his desk and just shrugged. 'All right,' was all he said. Then I knew we understood each other."

She chuckled softly when he mentioned "vacationing", shifting over to lean against his shoulder again. "That's fair. Hopefully this one will be...normally memorable."

"I can't believe- after all this time they've never asked." Then again, he thinks about it a little. "I wanted to. But I didn't want to pry. I know how it feels to get asked a lot of questions you don't really want to answer."

But it's different with them, isn't it. Everyone fears him too- except Natasha. She doesn't fear him, in the same way he doesn't fear her. He's still pretty damn sure she can kick his ass, though.

"I think.... I think maybe he helped me too. Or- helped Steve helped me. Back when Pierce had me under his control." WHich he doesn't like to talk about either. But it's there, a part of his past. "I don't know what happened after that, but I pulled Steve out of the water, and... I knew it was all wrong."

He smiles a little when she leans into him, lifting his hand to brush through her hair. It feels natural. "Yeah. Maybe for once it can be, right? We're allowed to hope for things, Natalia."

"He would have," Natasha agreed, eyes drifting closed when Bucky's fingers carded through her long red hair. "He knows about you, and he knows you're not one to trust anyone else, but he believes you can do some good in the world." Eventually. Otherwise Fury would have left the Winter Soldier to burn.

She shifted again, giving him more hair to stroke, biting back the desire to purr like a contented kitten. A soft sigh followed. Tenderness was something she'd so rarely experienced that it seemed like a heavenly blessing.

In the same quiet voice, she said, "...I gave up on hope a long time ago, James. I've seen it for others, though, so I know it exists. Just...not for me." She still had sins to abolish.

Good in the world. He's not sure about that just yet. He's simply trying to live, day by day. But there are people with power around him and he knows that too. Nick Fury, Steve. Natasha.

He keeps his fingers moving slowly through her hair, much like she did for him once. He remembers what a comfort it was. It's hard to imagine that he can be the comforting one now, but she leans into him so softly, so completely.

Natalia. Natasha. He doesn't know where it comes from, but both roll off his tongue like something familiar now. "Not for me either. I can't even believe you're here with me. That you came to find me again.... why?"

"You have a good chance at it, James," she reminded him. "You're free," for the moment, "and you're in your right mind." Again, for now. "That's a really, really good start."

And it wasn't it surreal as hell, sitting here on a couch in Romania with James Barnes, the Winter Soldier, half in his lap while he combed his hand through her hair? Natasha might have laughed if she hadn't been the one experiencing it.

She took a deep breath, held it a moment, then let it go, saying afterwards, "Well, I wanted to make sure you were okay. I hadn't heard from you since - then, not that I was really in any shape to go look for you even if I had, but still."

Natasha unthinkingly lifted a hand to rest high on Bucky's chest, near the shoulder upon which she leaned. "And...to let you know I was still there...if you ever needed me." She gave a sort snort. "Weird, I know, right?"

For now is always in the back of his head as well, but he's trying his damndest to keep it that way. It's why coming here to be with Natasha was dangerous, but- worth it. He would come here time and time again to see her. That's how he feels now. "It is a good start. I just have to figure out what to do from here."

He's free. Free to do what?

"I thought you'd be done with me." Because why wouldn't she be? But he sees it now. There's a connection. There's a warmth here that both of them seem to need. Her hand on his chest feels familiar now. It feels safe. "It's not weird. Deep down I wanted you to find me too."

"Then I'm glad I did. Find you, I mean." Honestly, she's more than a little shocked that he's allowed her this close. For weapons such as them, they'd been trained to never have attachments, to keep the world at arm's length, and to avoid any sort of emotional entanglements that might later on compromise the mission.

The mission was all. The mission was life. The mission...fucking sucked.

That hand on his chest slowly moved across it, finally curving gently around Bucky's left side as Natasha slipped beneath his arm and nestled close. She was so tired of being lost and alone, of having to be the ultimate bulwark against which her "friends" tended to crash.

She just wanted...this. Quiet, comfort, and a strong shoulder to lean against. It wasn't even ironic that she find them, in all places, with a man even more traumatized than she'd ever been. But that was okay, too.

"I'm glad you came, James."

He's done with the mission. He wishes he could stay far away from that kind of life. He never wanted any of it in the first place. He didn't even want to enlist in the army. No, that was Steve, and Bucky just wanted a regular life.

Attachments, entanglements, strictly forbidden. It's all in his head. He was still holding fast onto being alone, staying unattached to everyone and everything, until he met her. Now, he's here and when she curls into him even more, he lets her. He wants this too, even if it's still dangerous.

"I'm glad I did too." He's still like this for a moment, before he relaxes into it, then lets his head fall against the one nestled against his shoulder. It's been so long since he's had this kind of comfort, this closeness. It's been so long since anything felt this good. "When I met you-- I didn't think I could live."

"Then I'm glad I found you when I did." Maybe Steve had been right, sending her after him. Whether it was by design or simply dumb chance didn't really matter; what did was that they were here together, holding on to each other, and keeping the cloying darkness at bay. At least for now.

"...and if you suddenly need to go," Natasha heard herself say, gently and minutely moving her forehead beneath Bucky's cheek, "then you go. I promise I'll understand."

He wishes he could just leave that life forever. It's what he's been trying to do. He knows he still has this weapon inside of him though- in his head, ready to be activated whenever the wrong people find him again. It's why he's trying so hard to stay hidden. But he wouldn't give this up for anything, he realizes now.

"If I do..." Because she's right, that's still a big possibility. A glaring one, really. "We keep in touch, alright? If I have to get out quick that could happen, but I don't want to-- I don't want to lose this." You, he wants to say, but it's a lot.

He licks his lips, closing his eyes, pressing his face against her forehead. "I know you have to get back eventually too."

"We'll keep in touch," Natasha agreed. "One way or another." Because she wasn't going to let him vanish entirely. Not again. But if he did have to run, she understood why. Paranoia was a way of life for them. Ingrained like basic instincts.

But then Bucky mentioned her having to get back and Natasha sighed. "...eventually," she echoed. "But not anytime soon." She honestly doubted she'd be missed at this point. She had the suspicion none of her comrades even knew she'd left the country.

"But we have the week, right? Or as long as this lasts?"

"Good." If she could go with him-- but no. She'd be running then too, and he doesn't want that for her. She has a life, even if she doesn't want to deal with the Avengers right now. Even if she thinks they might not care. He knows they care for her. How could they not?

"We do." As long as this lasts. "We'll stay as long as we can."

He reaches out out again, brushing her hair back. "Hey. We're here now, so lets make the most of it, alright? We were gonna order food? Maybe after that we can walk around and see what else they have here."

It wasn't that she wouldn't go - she would if he asked - it's just that there's no win at the end of that road. Maybe, just maybe, one day the world will forget that the Winter Soldier ever existed, and James Barnes can come out of the shadows and try for a normal life, but Natasha doubted that day would arrive any time soon.

Although she'd do her best to hurry it along, if she could.

Bucky's suggestion was a good one; she was starting to get a little hungry, herself. So Natasha soaked up all of the (admittedly surprising) affection that she could, then slowly sat up, reaching for the menu on the coffee table.

"I'm good with food." She settled back against Bucky, holding up the menu for them both to see. "Anything look good."

It's why he doesn't ask. Why he wouldn't. He has a feeling she'd go if he'd ask and he doesn't want that for her. He knows who he is, what his life is. There's no good end to this story, and so maybe one day she'll have to let go. Not reach out and find him again- but for now. At least for now.

He soaks it up too, wanting her as close as he can get her. It's surprising, yet welcomed. He wants to memorize it all. The way she feels against him, the way she smells, the soft way she lets his fingers graze over him. He lets himself feel it all for the first time in a long time, so even when she pulls away to grab the menu, he's smiling.

"I'm always here for breakfast food. You know it." He points at the menu where the omelets are. "Or the cheese plate we said, yeah? Let's get both."

"Breakfast food is the best food," Natasha agreed, smiling absently at a memory of pancakes back in Brooklyn. "The cheese plate sounds good, too. Ooh, especially since it has grapes and strawberries." Despite her sinister reputation, and affinity for all the unhealthy junk food, the former Black Widow did, in fact, enjoy many types of fresh fruit.

"And get a lot," she added, skimming the pictures embedded in the menu's listing. "I know just how much you super soldiers put away." Metabolisms like coal furnaces, the both of them. Natasha had been fascinated as she watched Rogers inhale almost an entire lunch buffet at a local diner back in New York, post-mission. (Thankfully, Stark had bought the place out for that particular afternoon.)

"Breakfast food is the best food. Hard to go wrong with any of it." He hasn't had pancakes since then but he remembers those fondly, even despite how skittish he was that very first time they sat together.

He can put away a lot, but being a HYDRA super soldier, his appetite was always shot. They gave him the nutrients he needed in different ways, and he still often forgets to eat. "I'll get a lot, but I'm not a big eater, so you better be ready." To eat the bigger portion of it. Though maybe now that they're on vacation he can work on that.

"I will," Natasha promised. "And while you order, I think I'm gonna go for a shower. Get the travel dust off." Giving Bucky's knee a comfortable pat, she left the couch and headed into the bedroom, quickly organizing her luggage before heading into the bathroom.

The amenities were pleasantly nice, and she didn't feel too guilty about lingering in the shower. About half an hour later, she emerged back into the main room, slowly rubbing a towel over her wet hair. T-shirt, cotton shorts, and toe socks completed her ensemble, along with the damp curls that peeked beneath the towel.

Coming out from beneath the cloth, Natasha located her companion and offered a warm smile. "How much did you order?" she chuckled. "Didn't think it'd take so long to get here."

He gives her a small smile and a nod. He can feel the shift, but it's alright. This is how they are. Moments of absoluteness before they have to reel it back in. He's feeling it too.

The space doesn't feel the same this time as it did last time, though.

This time when she comes out of the shower he's standing by the TV, trying to figure out the remote again. His attention is full on her when she appears there in this very casual looking ensemble. She looks so comfortable- in her clothes, in her skin. Bucky wonders if he can ever get there. She's so- a lot of things that he isn't going to think about right now.

"I did." He clears his throat as he looks away- back at the remote, and to hid behind his hair. "It was really busy downstairs so. I'm sure they're backed up."

It was one of her talents; being comfortable in her own skin wherever she was. It had taken her a while, but eventually she'd learned how to compartmentalize. She still sometimes had problems finding herself, but that was better than...being no one at all.

Spying the remote in Bucky's hand, Natasha had to chuckle, combing back her hair with her fingers. "I only recognize a few of the words, but that's the power button, at least. Should we turn it on?"

Bucky's not there yet. He still feels like no one at all. There are times though, with Natasha that he feels like he might be finding something of himself again. She makes it easier.

The remote is apparently universal, but it has a whole lot of buttons that he's never seen in his life. He nods. "You know, back in my day we just walked up to the monitor and turned it on right there. All the dials exactly where they need to be and they all did what they were supposed to."

Oh god. He sounds like a grumpy old man, doesn't he.

But at least it takes his mind off of Natasha in her casual outfit.

She can't help but laugh at his grouchy consternation. "Steve had the same problem, don't worry. So did Banner, come to think of it. He hadn't been out of his lab in years, so all of these new entertainment electronics were beyond him. Including basic cable."

Pressing the power button turned on the TV, and it flashed to life, immediately bringing up a local station. Naturally, the language was Romanian, but Natasha eventually figured out how to turn on the English closed captions.

Just as they were deciding on what to watch, a polite knock echoed on the suite door. At first, Natasha froze, then automatically slid behind Barnes' left arm, but a moment later blinked, murmuring, "...it's probably just room service."

Edited 2024-04-10 02:18 (UTC)

"Oh, well- that's... good to know." He doesn't know what basic cable means, but he's assuming it's something like trash panda chic, so he'll find out soon enough.

Turning the TV on he could handle- it's the rest that got him, so he raises an eyebrow, waiting for her to figure out the rest, as if she's struggling as much as he is- before the knock at the door.

It sets off all the alarms in his head as well and he's tense, shifting his arm out just slightly as she moves behind it. He's ready to fight, but then she reminds him... room service.

"Right. Yeah." He should get that, but he's more used to sliding back into the shadows whenever anyone else appears, ready for attack. That's not what they're here for though, and he has to figure out how to be a person again- which is what moves him toward the door, still on alert as he pulls it open, but all that's there is a smiling man speaking to him in Romanian about the food, and how he hopes they enjoy their stay. Bucky does remember tipping at least, and then the man is gone and they have their food.

"That as almost as bad as being downstairs."

Even knowing that it was their food order, Natasha had still automatically tensed. And even in this simple outfit, she was hardly weaponless. But thankfully, the cart was delivered without incident, and once the door closed, Natasha turned on the light in their small kitchenette and refilled their glasses from earlier.

"Smells good," she remarked, leaning elbows on the small island as Bucky brought the cart over. "Worth the wait, at least."

She naturally went for the scrambled eggs and sausage first, seasoned with spices not typical in the States. She also nibbled from the cheese plate, going for the grapes and "homemade" mozzarella bites before anything else. "Mmmm..." An approving rumble. "'s really good."

It's how they are. How they'll always be, he imagines. He wants to move away from that kind of thinking though. He just wishes he wasn't still the kind of weapon anyone could wield with the right words.

Now that that ordeal is over and the door is closed and it's just the two of them again, he can try to relax again. With the covers off he just watches her dig in for a moment or two before he goes for it too, trying some of the vegetable omelette.

He loves these spices- the food is good here, at least there's that.

Mostly though, he's just enjoying the way she's enjoying it. "You're really enjoying this, huh."

Mouth full, Natasha just nodded. After she washed down that bite with a swig of ginger ale, she touched her lips with a napkin and chuckled. "I am, yeah. I've always been a fan of good food." Mainly because she'd grown up with its lack, but she didn't make that remark; no need in killing their amiable mood.

"One of the things I've always loved about traveling everywhere is getting to try the local cuisines. Not the chain restaurants or any of those places," her nose wrinkled, then smoothed, "but the real spots, the 'mom-n-pop' shops, the ethnic cafes, the street food stalls...those food havens."

She scooped another bite of eggs with a piece of toast and fig jam. "These eggs are really good. I think they season them with dill and green onions." She built another bite on toast and held it out. "Taste?"

overflow / open post II

bless. hope your week has been awesome!

Yeah it's been good!

yay! now back to the grind hehee 😆

NOT YET xD

❤️

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