( wakanda is like stepping into the future. there's too much -- bucky doesn't know where to turn. shuri gives him a tour of where she will be running her tests. where he sleeps. out in the market as well. he takes to the fresh air and cannot get past feeling guilty for it. t'challa has offered his country as a haven. but that means he is willing to shed blood in his defence.
bucky knows he's not worth that. yet, others continue to do it.
he cannot get used to it.
but wakanda is beautiful and distracting. he is woken from cryosleep regularly to do some exercise and talk to shuri. sometimes, it is because steve has come to visit him. he has news of the outside world. still hung up on those accords. bucky says nothing. they are documents. they can always be rewritten.
sometimes, steve brings a friend.
his memory is not clear regarding the black widow. he must be wary of her, he knows that. yet, she saved their lives. he owes her more than watching her from the corner of his eye. pretending that he is only waiting to hurt her like he has been made to hurt so many others.
so, one morning, when he is awake and she is alone in the cafeteria, he brings her a small black coffee. )
Do I owe you an apology?
( he smiles. thinly. there is so much he has done that he cannot apologise for. )
She'd only acquiesced to visiting Shuri's lab because Steve had asked. Repeatedly. Given her some ages-old fortune cookie wisdom about not holding grudges and letting bygones be bygones, and she'd really stopped listening after the third one. But she'd accompanied him despite her irritation with lectures; she wasn't doing it for Steve.
No. Not for Steve.
She'd made the right choice in Berlin; Natasha had no doubt about that. But that didn't mean she was ready to jump on the forgiveness train with the rest of her comrades, not in the least. And she'd made the right choice again, when she'd opted to travel to Wakanda with Steve and the others. They needed sanctuary, and T'Challa had been gracious enough to offer it.
And that wasn't all the King had offered, thankfully.
Natasha had wholeheartedly agreed with the notion of putting Barnes back into cryo until HYDRA's programming could be negated. He was too dangerous, too volatile, and too well-trained to be trusted with that sort of time bomb in his head. Granted, he'd been doing pretty well for the past two years, but unfortunately the cat was out of the bag now. No, cryofreeze was the safest place for the man. At least for now.
But it was a process, or so she'd discovered, as the Wakandan scientists worked to "correct", as Shuri often said, the Winter Soldier's brain, to remove that which made him a monster and leave the rest to heal as it would. An intriguing idea, that. Naturally, Steve had been immediately on board. But trust was a fragile and hard-won thing, thus when invited, Natasha hadn't turned it down.
No, she didn't do it for Steve.
She did it for herself.
For Wakanda.
For the rest of the bloody world.
Someone had to pull the trigger, if necessary. Natasha knew that Steve never would. He'd proved that. So, she'd taken it upon herself to be the watchful eye, the unobtrusive gun in the shadows, willing to do whatever was necessary should the unthinkable come to pass. And, by some miracle--or perhaps the skilled brilliance of a certain Wakandan princess--things were...okay. Not great, not wonderful, but...okay. No disasters, no triggers; just slow healing, the piecing together of a broken mind, one which, she had to admit, never deserved to be splintered at all.
Nevertheless, it was still--odd, seeing Barnes out and about without Steve for an over-mothering chaperone, or one of the scientists from Shuri's lab. She tensed when she spied him enter the cafeteria, but kept her stillness and her silence, actively glancing up when a quasi-familiar shadow fell over the table to spy Bucky Barnes--The Winter Soldier, no, she insisted to herself, not anymore--standing across from where she sat, a small styrofoam cup in hand.
Natasha slowly put down her newspaper and curiously lifted an eyebrow, corner of her mouth quirking. An apology? Well. "...well," she began slowly, tone even and companionable as she could make it, "that depends." She rested her arms on the table, hands clasped as she gazed up at him. "What would you apologize for?"
( steve had been immediately on board when it had been explained to him. he had turned to bucky with so much hope; bucky was not able to tell him that no medical procedure or therapy can heal him. shuri will only remove what could make others control him.
bucky barnes is still the winter soldier. he is better at that than he was at being a person. he cannot read natasha's thoughts, but he thinks she is already smarter than steve, who does not take precautions around him. it is hard to shake the memory of their fight. and the possibility of what he can do when he is focused on the mission. he knows how badly he hurt steve. )
I can't make coffee.
( bucky barnes would have delivered that oozing charm. now, it is pitiful. he does not know where this conversation begins. but he must have it. he cannot hope to speak to her without it.
she sounds friendly. just like he does. they know that they are not. )
That's number one.
<33 been out of town on vacay, but heading home tomorrow yay
His reply actually earned a slight chuckle; she hadn't been expecting that, to say the least. Even if it was true. "Well," she replied in the same easy tone of voice, "I hear it's a difficult skill to perfect, so I can't exactly hold it against you." Natasha picked up the small styrofoam cup and leaned back in her seat, gesturing to the one across the table from her. "Have a seat."
Civility, she could do. She hadn't forgotten the strength of those metal fingers crushing against her windpipe, nor the absolute absence of any rational thought in those empty eyes, either. It was a difficult position, hers; willing to forgive, but unable to forget.
Not even for Steve.
But then again, she wasn't doing this for Steve.
Natasha took a slow sip of the offered coffee, gently licking her lips afterwards. She gazed across the table speculatively, seeking but not prying. "What's number two?"
( he sits. he does not relax -- this is not over. they are still deciding something that is difficult to define. but sitting is better than shooting at her. or being shot at. he will take it at face value. )
I'm not dressed for company.
( he does not remember caring about his appearance. this, he has gleaned from steve's remarks and actions around him.
but he is also sure he should not be sitting with a lady like this. natasha might laugh again if he called her that to her face. he has not seen her be very ladylike.
he wonders what she would do. it would be good to hear her laugh when all he has had for her were bullets. )
it was a lot of fun! got to spend time with relatives, get sunburned at the beach, ect. :)
Her lips twitched in some sort of amusement, but she didn't give him a chuckle. Not just yet. The coffee was strong, black as she liked it, and she took another sip as she simply gazed across the table at him. "I don't think any of us are," she replied with a soft shrug. "We don't exactly have the deepest wardrobe these days."
Although it would be easy to procure one, she was sure; T'Challa had made it clear he was willing to provide anything she or her compatriots would need, but Natasha had never enjoyed holding out her hand. And Barnes...well. He'd come here with only the clothes on his back, poor lad, but she was sure Steve would rectify that.
"How are you feeling?" The question was out before she realized she'd said it, but she didn't take it back. He was still a human being, and worthy of her concern, at least. She still believed that it'd been the right choice, Steve bringing him here. If a life could be saved...might not a soul?
God, she hoped so. Because, surely, if there was grace enough for Bucky Barnes, the former Winter Soldier and Fist of HYDRA, then there might also be a little leftover for her, too.
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maskirovka) wrote2018-04-08 02:44 pm
no subject
bucky knows he's not worth that. yet, others continue to do it.
he cannot get used to it.
but wakanda is beautiful and distracting. he is woken from cryosleep regularly to do some exercise and talk to shuri. sometimes, it is because steve has come to visit him. he has news of the outside world. still hung up on those accords. bucky says nothing. they are documents. they can always be rewritten.
sometimes, steve brings a friend.
his memory is not clear regarding the black widow. he must be wary of her, he knows that. yet, she saved their lives. he owes her more than watching her from the corner of his eye. pretending that he is only waiting to hurt her like he has been made to hurt so many others.
so, one morning, when he is awake and she is alone in the cafeteria, he brings her a small black coffee. )
Do I owe you an apology?
( he smiles. thinly. there is so much he has done that he cannot apologise for. )
jesus apologies, have a novel.
No. Not for Steve.
She'd made the right choice in Berlin; Natasha had no doubt about that. But that didn't mean she was ready to jump on the forgiveness train with the rest of her comrades, not in the least. And she'd made the right choice again, when she'd opted to travel to Wakanda with Steve and the others. They needed sanctuary, and T'Challa had been gracious enough to offer it.
And that wasn't all the King had offered, thankfully.
Natasha had wholeheartedly agreed with the notion of putting Barnes back into cryo until HYDRA's programming could be negated. He was too dangerous, too volatile, and too well-trained to be trusted with that sort of time bomb in his head. Granted, he'd been doing pretty well for the past two years, but unfortunately the cat was out of the bag now. No, cryofreeze was the safest place for the man. At least for now.
But it was a process, or so she'd discovered, as the Wakandan scientists worked to "correct", as Shuri often said, the Winter Soldier's brain, to remove that which made him a monster and leave the rest to heal as it would. An intriguing idea, that. Naturally, Steve had been immediately on board. But trust was a fragile and hard-won thing, thus when invited, Natasha hadn't turned it down.
No, she didn't do it for Steve.
She did it for herself.
For Wakanda.
For the rest of the bloody world.
Someone had to pull the trigger, if necessary. Natasha knew that Steve never would. He'd proved that. So, she'd taken it upon herself to be the watchful eye, the unobtrusive gun in the shadows, willing to do whatever was necessary should the unthinkable come to pass. And, by some miracle--or perhaps the skilled brilliance of a certain Wakandan princess--things were...okay. Not great, not wonderful, but...okay. No disasters, no triggers; just slow healing, the piecing together of a broken mind, one which, she had to admit, never deserved to be splintered at all.
Nevertheless, it was still--odd, seeing Barnes out and about without Steve for an over-mothering chaperone, or one of the scientists from Shuri's lab. She tensed when she spied him enter the cafeteria, but kept her stillness and her silence, actively glancing up when a quasi-familiar shadow fell over the table to spy Bucky Barnes--The Winter Soldier, no, she insisted to herself, not anymore--standing across from where she sat, a small styrofoam cup in hand.
Natasha slowly put down her newspaper and curiously lifted an eyebrow, corner of her mouth quirking. An apology? Well. "...well," she began slowly, tone even and companionable as she could make it, "that depends." She rested her arms on the table, hands clasped as she gazed up at him. "What would you apologize for?"
delicious
bucky barnes is still the winter soldier. he is better at that than he was at being a person. he cannot read natasha's thoughts, but he thinks she is already smarter than steve, who does not take precautions around him. it is hard to shake the memory of their fight. and the possibility of what he can do when he is focused on the mission. he knows how badly he hurt steve. )
I can't make coffee.
( bucky barnes would have delivered that oozing charm. now, it is pitiful. he does not know where this conversation begins. but he must have it. he cannot hope to speak to her without it.
she sounds friendly. just like he does. they know that they are not. )
That's number one.
<33 been out of town on vacay, but heading home tomorrow yay
Civility, she could do. She hadn't forgotten the strength of those metal fingers crushing against her windpipe, nor the absolute absence of any rational thought in those empty eyes, either. It was a difficult position, hers; willing to forgive, but unable to forget.
Not even for Steve.
But then again, she wasn't doing this for Steve.
Natasha took a slow sip of the offered coffee, gently licking her lips afterwards. She gazed across the table speculatively, seeking but not prying. "What's number two?"
how was it?
I'm not dressed for company.
( he does not remember caring about his appearance. this, he has gleaned from steve's remarks and actions around him.
but he is also sure he should not be sitting with a lady like this. natasha might laugh again if he called her that to her face. he has not seen her be very ladylike.
he wonders what she would do. it would be good to hear her laugh when all he has had for her were bullets. )
it was a lot of fun! got to spend time with relatives, get sunburned at the beach, ect. :)
Although it would be easy to procure one, she was sure; T'Challa had made it clear he was willing to provide anything she or her compatriots would need, but Natasha had never enjoyed holding out her hand. And Barnes...well. He'd come here with only the clothes on his back, poor lad, but she was sure Steve would rectify that.
"How are you feeling?" The question was out before she realized she'd said it, but she didn't take it back. He was still a human being, and worthy of her concern, at least. She still believed that it'd been the right choice, Steve bringing him here. If a life could be saved...might not a soul?
God, she hoped so. Because, surely, if there was grace enough for Bucky Barnes, the former Winter Soldier and Fist of HYDRA, then there might also be a little leftover for her, too.